• [ANSI] Joke of the Day

    From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 1 00:15:18 2021

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    I called a temp agency looking for work, and they
    asked if I had any phone skills. I said,
    "I called you, didn't I?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 2 00:15:16 2021

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    Two satellites decided to get married.

    The wedding wasn't much,
    but the reception was incredible.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 3 00:15:20 2021

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    A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after
    filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a
    soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola
    and he watched a couple of men working along the
    roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three
    feet deep and then move on. The other man came
    along behind and filled in the hole. While one was
    digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet
    behind filling in the hole. The men worked right
    past the fellow with the soft drink and went on
    down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man
    tossing the can in a trash container and heading
    down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it,"
    he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going
    on here with this digging?"

    "Well, we work for the county government," one of
    the men said.

    "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is
    filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything.
    Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

    "You don't understand, mister," one of the men
    said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
    "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and
    Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree
    and Mike here puts the dirt back."

    "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's
    sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 4 00:15:12 2021

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    "There are two major products to come out of
    Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
    be a coincidence.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 5 00:15:16 2021

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    While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
    my job included ordering supplies. One of the
    engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
    regulations, I asked him why he needed it.

    I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
    or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
    "My current edition defines spaceship as an
    `imaginary aircraft.'"

    He got his new dictionary.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 6 00:15:10 2021

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    The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena
    his opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
    Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and
    biting as furiously as he could. But when his
    opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had
    no choice but to give up, for now he was both
    unarmed and defeated.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 7 00:15:16 2021

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    A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
    of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
    name?"

    The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
    May I help you?"

    "Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
    money."

    The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
    out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"

    The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."

    "Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
    Mick Jagger?"

    "Yeah, he's my dad."

    "Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
    collateral?"

    The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
    asks, "Will this do?"

    The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
    go check with the bank manager."

    "Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
    me."

    The loan officer goes back to the manager and
    says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
    there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
    some money. All he has for collateral is this
    pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
    is."

    The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
    give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
    Stone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 8 00:15:08 2021

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    Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one
    baby asks the other, "Are you a little girl or
    a little boy?"

    The other baby shrugs. "I don't know how to tell
    the difference."

    "I do," says the first baby. He carefully climbs
    out of his crib and into the other crib, then
    disappears beneath the blankets. After a few
    seconds, he resurfaces.

    "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy,"
    he says.

    "How can you tell?"

    "Easy. You've got pink booties,
    and I've got blue ones."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 9 00:15:16 2021

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    Q: What does Charles Dickens
    keep in his spice rack?

    A: The best of thymes,
    the worst of thymes.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 10 00:15:18 2021

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    When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
    to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
    door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
    so I hung this sign outside:

    "Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 11 00:15:14 2021

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    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
    School. Usually she slept through the class. One
    day the teacher called on her while she was
    napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the
    universe?"

    When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
    altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
    took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God
    Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said,
    "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
    Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from
    her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the
    rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
    shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good,"
    and Mary fell back asleep.

    Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
    "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
    twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
    with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
    shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one
    more time, I'll break it in half!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 12 00:15:18 2021

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    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E.
    Dendy of upstate New York presented the local
    police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the
    officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did
    some snooping and arrested him for stealing the
    wreath from a store down the block.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 13 00:15:10 2021

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    A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
    During the meal service, accidentally knocked the
    spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight
    attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket
    and placed it on his tray table. The man was very
    impressed by the promptness of he service and
    asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in
    their pockets?"

    The flight attendant answered, "We had an
    efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He
    determined that 25% of the customers knock the
    spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare
    spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be
    much more efficient."

    Later, as the flight attendant is picking his
    dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for
    asking but why do you have a string hanging from
    your fly?"

    The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency
    expert determined that we were spending too much
    time washing our hands after we went to the
    bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to
    our penises."

    The customer looked confused. "How does that
    help?" he asked.

    "Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the
    string. Since I never touched myself I don't need
    to wash my hands."

    The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get
    it back in your pants?"

    The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about
    the other guys, but I use the spoon."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 14 00:15:18 2021

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    A student seeking a job at our university was
    handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
    name and address. When it came to the entry
    "length of residence," he wrote:
    "Approximately 30 feet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 15 00:15:12 2021

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    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You depend on the kindness of strangers.
    Christopher Wilson of Spokane left his name and
    phone number with clerks at a home-improvement
    store should anyone find something of his that
    he'd dropped, according to police. They did find
    something, and Wilson was arrested for possession
    of methamphetamines.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 16 00:15:22 2021

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    Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it
    take to change a light bulb?
    A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light
    bulb and to post to the mail list that the light
    bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar
    experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
    light bulb could have been changed differently or
    to caution about the dangers of changing light
    bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors
    in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame
    the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list
    administrator complaining about the light bulb
    discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail
    list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/
    grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not
    about light bulbs and to please take this email
    exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross
    posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.
    punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
    41 to defend the posting to this list saying that
    we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are
    relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which
    method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
    to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
    bulbs work best for this technique, and what
    brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can
    see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post
    that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
    corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found
    from the URLs that are relevant to this list which
    makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to
    concatenate all posts to date, then quote them
    including all headers and footers, and then add
    pointedly, "Me Too." 6 to post to the list that
    they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle
    the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the "Me
    Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!" 3 to suggest
    that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to
    propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 24 to
    say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was
    meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt.lite.
    bulb.

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    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 17 00:15:12 2021

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    Why Does Ariel wear seashells?

    Because she can't fit into D-shells

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 18 00:15:10 2021

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    A couple have not been getting along for years, so
    the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery
    plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her
    disappointment.

    The next year, her birthday rolls around again and
    this time he doesn't get her anything. She says,
    "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

    He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
    year!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 19 00:15:16 2021

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    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
    so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Unsurprisingly it sank,
    proving once again that you can't have
    your kayak and heat it too.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 20 00:15:12 2021

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    Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?

    A: To get to the other side.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 21 00:15:18 2021

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    The nuns at the local convent had their daily
    annoucement session. The mother superior walked
    out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
    frown on her face. She began to speak...

    Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed
    committed here, yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no!
    1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's
    underwear. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And I also found a condom. 99
    nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns:
    Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1
    nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!....

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 22 00:15:14 2021

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    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You think presidents need a promotion. James
    Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he
    handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew
    something was funny with the money: Instead of the
    portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of
    the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at
    her.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 23 00:15:20 2021

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    A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy
    with his feet propped up on a table. He had the
    biggest boots she'd ever seen.

    The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they
    say about men with big feet are well endowed.

    The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little
    lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse
    and let me prove it to you?"

    The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she
    spent the night with him.

    The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

    Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm
    real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
    services before."

    "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy
    yourself some boots that fit."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 24 00:15:14 2021

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    Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying
    to call the zoo for hours!

    Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 25 00:15:08 2021

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    This couple was heading to the hospital with their
    16-year-old daughter, who was scheduled to undergo
    a tonsillectomy. During the ride they talked about
    the procedure.

    "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to
    keep my mouth open during surgery?"

    Without hesitation her father quipped, "They're
    going to give you a phone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 26 00:15:16 2021

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    Why did your sister cut a hole in her new
    umbrella?

    Because she wanted to be able to tell when
    it stopped raining.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 27 00:15:10 2021

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    I'm learning ancient history.

    So am I. Let's go for a walk and talk over
    old times.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 28 00:15:16 2021

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    On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer
    over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell
    out of the car several miles back?"

    To which the farmer replied:
    "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 29 00:15:12 2021

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    Two hikers are out hiking.

    All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

    They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up
    the tree after them. The first hiker gets his
    sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting
    them on.

    The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"

    The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets
    close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a
    run for it."

    The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know
    you can't outrun a bear?"

    The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the
    bear... I only have to outrun you!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 30 00:15:14 2021

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    How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?

    With their eyes shut.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 3 00:15:20 2021

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    The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
    policy. The insurance agent was going down the
    list of standard questions. "Ever have an
    accident?"

    "Nope, nary a one."

    "None? You've never had any accidents."

    "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."

    "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
    snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
    accident?"

    "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 4 00:15:16 2021

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    I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD
    backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the
    most frightening thing is that if you play it
    forward, it installs NT 4.0!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 5 00:15:10 2021

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    Q: What did the reindeer say
    before telling his joke?

    A: This one'll sleigh you!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 6 00:15:10 2021

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    While editing announcements for a newspaper, I
    came across an item promoting a camp for children
    with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful
    activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing,
    swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its
    lakefront property offered something the kids
    probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 7 00:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida air
    base: "The following enlisted men will pick up
    their Good Conduct medals in the supply room this
    afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will
    result in disciplinary action."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 8 00:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
    reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

    Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
    "I'm Janey Sugarbrown."

    The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

    With her mother standing just a few feet away, the
    little girl replied,
    "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 9 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
    casual clothes so they won't be identified as
    clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
    soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
    in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
    says as she strolls by.

    The men are stunned. How does she know they're
    clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
    shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
    next day, they return to the beach. The same
    fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
    passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
    morning, Fathers."

    "Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
    priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
    in the world did you know?"

    "Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
    the convent."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 10 00:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only
    1 letter in it?

    A: Envelope.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 11 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You leave a paper trail. Hickory, North
    Carolina, cops were able to solve in record time
    the mystery of the two cash registers purloined
    from the Captain's Galley restaurant. Their big
    break came when they discovered a trail of white
    register tape. They followed it 50 yards to an
    apartment, where, they say, Donny Guy was cracking
    the registers open.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 12 00:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    I saw a documentary on how
    ships are kept together;

    It was riveting.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 13 00:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 14 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?

    Old King Coal

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 15 00:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    As soon as the hospital made me put on one of
    those little gowns,
    I knew the end was in sight.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 16 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.

    Customer: Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder.

    Coworker: We have all types of shredders.
    What will you be shredding primarily?

    Customer: Collard greens.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 17 00:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    "Give me a sentence about a public servant," the
    teacher instructed her second-grade student.

    "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant," he
    answered.

    "Umm . Do you know what pregnant means?"

    "Yes," said the boy. "It means carrying a child."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 18 00:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    What is Dracula's favorite fruit?

    Neck-tarines.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 19 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Applicants for jobs at the company where my
    friend Diana works are asked to fill out a
    questionnaire. Among the things candidates list
    is their high school and when they attended. One
    prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of
    his high school, followed by the dates attended:
    "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 20 00:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A dull-witted king is losing a territorial dispute
    with a neighboring monarch. As the fight wears on,
    he gets more and more frustrated until finally he
    roars, "Where are my two court jesters?"

    In seconds, two jesters appear at his side.

    "Okay, let's continue," he says, "now that I have
    my wits about me."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 21 00:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    The military has a long, proud tradition of
    pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
    rallypoint.com:

    Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
    left-handed spatulas

    Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
    search of fallopian tubes

    Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
    by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
    "calibrate" it

    Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
    of dehydrated water
    (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 22 00:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Gracie: What's the difference between an
    umbrella and a pickle?

    George: You're making this up?

    Gracie: Yes.

    George: What's the difference between an
    umbrella and a pickle?
    (Thinks for a moment.)
    I give up.

    Gracie: Oh? I give up, too.

    George: I thought you said you made up riddles.

    Gracie: I do. I make up riddles.
    I don't make up answers.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 23 00:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    To.

    To who?

    No, to whom.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)